Billy J. Robinson: world's dumbest car thief

By David Menzies

Say what you will about cutting-edge forensics and good old fashioned detective work, police openly admit that in many instances, a crime is solved thanks to the sheer stupidity of the criminal.
The most recent comical case in point: Billy J. Robinson of St. Louis.

The unintentional hilarity began at an East Peoria, Ill. Lowe’s parking lot, where Robinson allegedly tried to steal a car.

Robinson targeted a Buick Park Avenue and had peeled the sedan’s steering wheel column back when a woman caught him in the act. She confronted Robinson, asking him what he was doing. According to police, Robinson admitted he was “trying to start the car.”

That’s when the woman delivered some unfortunate news to the 20-year-old ne’er-do-well: the Buick happened to belong to her and she had already called police. The woman then told Robinson to get out of the car and follow her.

“Believe it or not, he started to follow her,” East Peoria police chief Ed Papis told the Peoria Journal Star. “But he had a change of heart. He ran toward the expressway, jumped the fence and was out of sight.”

For almost an hour, a swarm of police officers combed the riverfront area for Robinson. With help from the car owner, police knew who to look for: a black man in his 20s of average height and weight, wearing a red, white and black jersey, black gloves and jeans.

But it wasn’t Robinson’s apparel that led to his undoing. Amazingly, the would-be thief later showed up at the police station. Yet, Robinson wasn’t there to turn himself in; rather, he popped by the precinct to ask the cops if they could give him bus fare.

Castrol’s oily ad campaign irks British motorists

By David Menzies

Advertising campaigns run the gamut, from cute and cuddly to laugh-out-loud funny. Hey, whatever it takes to move the merchandise, right? But surely it’s common knowledge that it’s self-defeating for a marketer to violate someone’s privacy. Or to create a potentially unsafe situation. Apparently the people responsible for advertising Castrol oil in the U.K. are oblivious to such rules of engagement.

Castrol recently unveiled giant billboards on five major routes in London, England. Part of the scheme involved roadside cameras that would record the licence plates of cars just prior to flashing the car’s registration onto video screens embedded in the billboard. Along with the licence plate of the car, the recommended grade of oil for that particular car’s engine would be noted.

All of which is whiz-bang amazing, except for one pertinent detail: where in the world was Castrol getting its data pertaining to the cars?

Step forward, Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency.

The most perfect 1989 Mini in the world

By David Menzies

You’d think a run-of-the-mill Mini purchased back in 1989 would be overdue for a trip to the wrecker’s yard. Unless, of course, we’re talking about Ron Frost’s ruby red Mini 30.

Far from a “daily driver”, Frost’s Mini has precisely 148 miles on the odometer (an average driver would’ve racked up about 200,000 miles in a two-decade timeframe.)

Frost, 78, is a Willand, England car collector and retired mechanic. He apparently likes buying cars but isn’t too keen on actually driving them.

Frost recently told the U.K.’s Western Morning News that his Mini – which he purchased for £5,800 in ’89 – is 100% original. Even the oil in the crankcase is 20 years old (personally, I wouldn’t brag about that point.)

Sill, limited motoring does have its benefits. The car looks as though it has seemingly been kept in a time capsule given that the paintwork is free of any chips, blemishes or scratches. In fact, the car has only been washed twice.

My Frankfurt five - top picks from the show

By Justin Couture

Now that the Frankfurt show is in full swing, I’ve had the chance to seriously give the dozens of drool-worthy concepts, supercars and production debuts a serious look-over from ... my desk in Toronto. That said, while I didn’t have the opportunity to see the cars in person, here are my top five picks of the show.

Volkswagen L1 Concept

Hands down, this is my favourite Frankfurt concept, because of the clever and creative thinking that went behind it. Certainly, there’s nothing unconventional about its drivetrain - it uses an uncomplicated two-cylinder diesel engine, a basic electric motor and a seven-speed DSG ‘box, all existing VW tech - but the layout and super lightweight construction is definitely out-of-the-box thinking in action. This car demonstrates VW’s engineering strength through and through.

Grand Trunk Car Wash: Elephants enlisted to wash cars

By David Menzies

If you’ve seen one car wash, you’ve seen ’em all, right? Well, not quite.

Consider the dynamic duo of Tiki and Alice, a pair of African elephants at the Wildlife Animal Park in southern Oregon. This pair of pachyderms is currently doing double-duty as car wash attendants. Actually, Tiki and Alice are the car wash. Simply roll up your vehicle and these elephantine employees will blast away the grit and grime via high pressure water emanating from their trunks. Then the 39-year-old elephants adroitly finish the job with sponges. (Turtle Wax, alas, is not available.)

For motorists, the elephant car wash is a sure-fire way to get up close and personal with animals that actually dwarf a Chevy Suburban. Meanwhile, Wildlife Animal Park is using this new revenue stream to weather the tough economy: an elephant-rendered car wash will set you back US$20.

Future Saskatoon cops might be a bunch of real dummies

By David Menzies

At first blush, it seems like a traffic enforcement plan lifted from Wile E. Coyote’s playbook. Fed up with speeding vehicles on city streets, Maurice Neault, a Saskatoon city councillor, is calling on police to look at positioning decoy patrol cars with cardboard cut-outs of officers. The idea is to trick speeding Saskatchewanians into slowing down.

So far, 2009 is shaping up to be an awful driving year for Saskatoon. The number of collisions has spiked by 24 per cent in the first six months of the year. The cause of the increase has been attributed to busier streets, uneducated drivers, increased cell phone use and excessive speed.

But Neault believes if speed demons see someone (or, as the case may be) something that might just be a police officer, those motorists will instinctually slow down. “Nobody wants to get a ticket,” he says.
The councillor notes that some U.S. states already use decoy squad cars that have cardboard cut-outs of police officers in the driver’s seat to make them look more realistic.

Modern day “Gentleman Godiva” truly a bare-naked bozo

By David Menzies

The Ocala, Fla. police had a perfectly good reason to pull over a motorcyclist earlier this week. For starters, the motorcycle was travelling in a very erratic fashion. And secondly, the motorcyclist was completely nude.

OK, granted Florida is the “Sunshine State” and it can be such a bothersome task keeping those pesky tan lines at bay. But cruising the interstate in one’s birthday suit?

Mike Rolls, the sheriff's captain for Marion County, was on duty when he passed by the naked man sitting atop a silver-hued motorcycle near Ocala's Interstate 75. Rolls immediately began pursuit.

After the bare-naked biker drove through a red light (seldom a good sign), Rolls was able to pull-over the aspiring mobile nudist who was later identified as Dante Krauss, 45.

Krauss said he didn’t know where he had been that day (turned out he was at a Hooters, actually) and he had absolutely no explanation for his nakedness (turns out he was drinking copious quantities of booze at Hooters.)

Eventually, Krause admitted to having “a few drinks” prior to embarking on his motorcycle ride. Well, more than a few, actually. A Breathalyzer test indicated Krauss had a .162 blood alcohol level, considerably above the state’s .08 legal limit.

Video: Porsche's new GT3 RS hits 292 km/h on autobahn

By Justin Couture

If you consider yourself a car enthusiast, chances are you’ve probably spent countless hours dreaming about blasting down the wonder that is the de-restricted autobahn. And if you’re one of the lucky ones you’ll have had the chance to live it out. It’s certainly a dream worth having – thoughts of 300 km/h in a supercar certainly made university calculus classes a lot more entertaining.

As luck would have it, I had the chance to live my dream out last year – in a car capable of doing a limitless road justice no less.

Unlike most other car companies, Porsche doesn’t employ electronic buffers to limit its cars to 250 km/h. And this means that when the triple-strike circle signifying the end of a limited zone appears on the overhead road signs, even something as simple as a Boxster RS60 (my steed) will sail right on by cars with twice the power as if they’re standing still.

Motorist’s headgear blinds him to driving distractions

By David Menzies

Meet Brian Presement. Family man. Entrepreneur. Motoring enthusiast. However, Presement hates driving in the good ol’ summertime. The reason: he finds this season too distracting. And, yes, it is distractions of the feminine type that cause him grief.

Indeed, be it plunging tank tops or abbreviated hemlines, Presement says he finds “female eye candy” to be downright dangerous when he’s driving in urban areas.

The Toronto area man notes he’s had several “close calls” recently while piloting his late-model Toyota Highlander. This month alone – thanks to the return of wondrous weather – Presement says he almost rear-ended a Mercedes and a Ford pickup truck in downtown Toronto because his attention was focussed on scantily-clad pedestrians. At one point, Presement says he was so distracted his SUV even hopped the curb. Mrs. Presement certainly wasn’t impressed with that motoring move.

“When I went off the road, that was the final straw for me because I could’ve hurt somebody,” says Presement. “I really had to do something to stay focused on driving.”

Recently, Presement had an epiphany. During a visit to farm, Presement observed a horse pulling a wagon. The animal had blinders on its head to shield the beast from any stress-inducing distractions.
“As soon as I saw the horse’s headgear, I said, ‘Bingo!’” says Presement. “I just needed to modify the blinders so I could clearly see the road ahead of me but keep the periphery distractions shielded from my vision.”

The 40-year-old Presement visited a shop that caters to equine needs and purchased a set of blinders. He modified the hood-like device to fit a human head. To his delight, it has worked like a charm.

Bugatti Galibier sedan revealed!

By Justin Couture

Here are the first images and details on what very well could be Bugatti’s next model. It’s called the Galibier 16 C Concept, and it’s one of several different concept vehicles that are being considered for production.

In terms of styling, it’s tough to imagine what a modern four-door Bugatti might look like. Thankfully, the end results are pleasing, combining historical cues with modern touches. For instance, the large horseshoe Bugatti grille has been nicely incorporated into nose, and features a clamshell hood and large LED headlamps. This layout is said to be inspired by the Type 57, while the car’s torpedo-like profile is akin to the Type 35. While the front half of the vehicle is distinctively Bugatti, I can’t help but notice a bit of Porsche Panamera in the car’s tail.