And the Automotive Oscars go to...
By David Menzies
Ho hum. Another Academy Awards has come to pass and once again the vehicles of Hollywood are snubbed.
When is the Academy ever going to recognize Best Car?
After all, what’s a movie without vehicular cinematic clichés such as the good ol’ car chase or a vehicle going over a cliff and blowing up as though the trunk was filled to the brim with nitro glycerine or the ignition on a car failing to turn over just when an axe-wielding maniac happens to be lumbering along?
For shame!
Thus, without further ado, here are my kudos to the most notable car performances in film in 2009:
The Thelma & Louise Award for Most Unfortunate Car Demise: The C2 generation Corvette in Star Trek.
Seeing that 1966 Thunderbird convertible plunge into the abyss of the Grand Canyon at the end of Thelma & Louise really made me tear up. I mean, a ’66 T-Bird ragtop? What a classic! Why’d those crazy gals have to take the car with them?
Likewise, James Tiberius Kirk was apparently quite the rabble-rouser as a pre-teen. Stealing a mint condition Corvette convertible from the ’60s – one of the most beautiful cars ever sculpted – Kirk first destroys the car’s roof when he attempts to go top-down at highway speeds. Then, in an ill-fated attempt to outrun law enforcement, the ’Vette ends up plunging off a cliff (unlike Thelma or Louise, at least Kirk had the presence of mind to abandon ship prior to descent.)
Still, what a tragic property loss. A 23rd century Federation starship blown to bits by those nasty Romulans can always be replaced; but “cliffing” an iconic sports car from the 20th century is a gem lost forever.
The Kyoto Anti-Christ Award for Unashamed Love for Supersized SUVs: The Cadillac Escalade, Hummer H2 and GMC Yukon XL Denali in Zombieland.
In a world overrun by cannibalistic zombies, bigger is better when it comes to traversing the landscape. Forget about cruising around in a 4-cylinder hybrid compact; in Zombieland, it quickly becomes apparent that it if you want to survive a global zombie plague, you’ll have a far better chance doing so behind the wheel of an extra-large sport utility vehicle.
Sorry about that, Al Gore, David Suzuki, Elizabeth May, et al...
The Retread Award for Making the Same Movie Four Times Over Within One Decade: All the tricked-up/slammed-down Hondas, Volkswagens, Toyota, Acuras, etc. in Fast & Furious.
Amazing! The celluloid version of Importfest continues to rack up boffo box office by essentially sticking to the exact same formula. Namely, copious quantities of customized rides, beautiful young people, and loud music. (If you’re looking for a plot, check the lost and found box at your local multiplex.)
Whether it’s The Fast and the Furious or 2 Fast 2 Furious or The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift or Fast and Furious (minus the definite articles – gee, how lazy can you get?) environmentalists surely must love this series given the way the producers continue to recycle the same concept ad nausea.
Posted by: Steve S | 2010-03-12 8:56:42 AM
Isn't the whole point of the Oscar's to reward those in the Movie industry how have not been rewarded by the public? Would any of us know the name Hurt Locker if it wasn't for the Oscar's? In that vein, I nominate The Pontiac Aztec, The AMC Pacer, The BMW Z1 and the Edsel.
Posted by: JD | 2010-03-13 11:58:27 PM
No, the point of the Oscars is not to reward movies not recognized by the public. Yes, some small movies get awards even though many people haven't seen them, but there are many more movies that have huge public attention that have won in recent years. Offhand, LOTR:The Return of the King, Titanic, Silence of the Lambs, Gladiator, and Goodfellas come immediately to mind.