The curse of the elongated coupe door
By David Menzies for MSN Autos
In the pantheon of superheroes, those meta-humans who are essentially rubberized men (a la Stretch Armstrong) surely rank as the lamest crime-fighters ever conceived.
At the risk of sounding like Super-Geek, just consider the likes of Mister Fantastic, Plastic Man, or Elongated Man (Great Caesar’s Ghost! What were they thinking when they named a superhero “Elongated Man”!?) Look, being able to super-stretch one’s torso and limbs like some glorified elastic band isn’t exactly an awe-inducing ability along the lines of “faster than a locomotive” or “able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.”
Then again, lately, I’ve been having second thoughts about the merits of super-stretching. And those second thoughts typically occur when I find myself returning to my vintage Honda Prelude in a parking lot only to find that some leviathan-like SUV has parked too close to my driver’s side door, ensuring there’s no way I can get reacquainted with the cabin by fully opening my door... unless my door ends up dinging the offending monolith (which I don’t want to do for both our sakes.)
So it is that with my driver’s side door less than half ajar, I am forced to perform painful contortions involving stretching, moving sideways, sucking in the ol’ gut, and finally, angling my arse into the driver’s seat. And all the while I’m thinking, “This would be such a piece of cake for Plastic Man or Mister Fantastic.”
Even then, sometimes manoeuvring space is at such a premium one must engage in the dreaded enter-via-the-passenger-side routine. Which is always extra-special if one is navigating an interior with a low roof and a centre console gearshift!
As well – and please feel free to correct me if you think I’m hallucinating here – but when new parking spaces are marked-off these days with boundary lines, are they a tad narrower than what used to be the case? And if so, why so? Especially given that new SUVs, minivans, crossovers, and pickup trucks show absolutely no signs of going on a diet anytime soon.
Indeed, who is the nefarious joker responsible for shrinking the modern-day parking space?
Kinda sounds like a job for... Elongated Man...
Justin Couture
Mark Atkinson
John LeBlanc
Posted by: 655Hemi | 2013-02-01 3:43:27 PM
How true!!!!
When I'm forced to park somewhere in a mall area or wherever, I park as far away as I can, sometimes angled taking up 3 spots with my car and 4 spots with the dually. If I come out and there's some asshat parked right next to me (just to oiss me off) so I can access my vehicle I automatically take the car's mirrors off with a good solid kick. If there's an antennae it comes off too. If I'm very upset I'll do a Mexican hat dance on the car's hood. So, all you dummies that think it's funny to block someone in or prevent him or her from opening their doors take heed. You may need some serious repairs should you decide to be stupiid.
Posted by: JD | 2013-02-01 6:04:06 PM
People like you are why people like me delight in blocking asshats like you in. You park like a normal human being, I'll give you all the room you need to properly open your door. You take up more than one stall, I'll happily block you in, and wait in the truck until you come out so I can cheerfully watch your reaction. Not once in doing this has anyone EVER confronted me, rather they slink away with their tail between their legs after sheepishly asking me to let them out, too cowardly to cause a confrontation. Since it's highly unlikely you would do any of the things you describe, since I for one, would have already taken your license plate number down, and would have you charged with vandalism if you so much as touched my vehicle, I'll take your "warning" with a huge grain of salt.
Posted by: Troy | 2013-02-04 11:17:31 AM
Agree with JD. If you can't manage to park your vehicle in the space provided (Hell, I'd even spot you two for the dually), then turn your license in. You shouldn't be driving anything bigger than a bicycle.